Are You Too Self Critical?

Too Self Critical? Here’s What to Do If You Often Treat Yourself Too Harshly

by http://www.sedona.com/


Do you fixate on the extra five pounds you need to lose, unable to take even the most sincere compliment about your appearance because of it? Or do you berate yourself because you bought your child’s birthday cake instead of baking it yourself, or perhaps because you can’t lift as much weight at the gym as you once did?


These are all examples of criticisms that we subject ourselves to on a daily basis. Not from other people -- you would likely shout angrily back at someone who would dare say such things about you -- but from yourself.


“Most of us are our own worst critics; however it does not need to be that way,” says Hale Dwoskin, CEO and director of training of Sedona Training Associates.


Yet, everywhere you go in life, there are expectations: achievements to be made, standards to be upheld, and levels to be reached.


While it’s normal, and even admirable, to always strive for the best, when you can’t accept yourself for being you, or for being sometimes less than perfect, you’re setting yourself up for an emotional disaster.


In fact, a recent study by psychologists at Curtin University of Technology in Australia found that people who engage in “all or nothing” thinking (such as “I think of myself as either in control or out of control”) were at a greater risk of becoming an extreme perfectionist. Health problems that surround such thinking include everything from depression to suicidal thinking and eating disorders.


In other words, the more you stick to absolutes, such as “If I’m not the wealthiest person in my neighborhood I’m useless,” the more at risk -- mentally and physically -- you are.


How to Accept Yourself, No Matter What


You owe it to yourself to be your greatest supporter -- not your greatest enemy. So how do you stop those nagging, self-sabotaging thoughts that run through your mind?


“The best way to stop them is to recognize that no self criticism is true -- no matter how convincing it is,” Dwoskin says. “Self criticism is always based on a feeling from the past, but since it is not true you do not need to believe it -- and you can choose to let it go.”


You can let go of negative, self-critical feelings just like you can let go of a pencil once you learn The Sedona Method -- a tool to release negative emotions that are holding you back from true happiness.


Dwoskin explains, “The best way to do this is to simply ask yourself, ‘Could I let go of wanting to criticize myself?’ Then choose to drop it.”


“If you want to stretch even further,” he continues, “you can give yourself some approval for no reason whatsoever.”


Let’s give this a try. Instead of putting yourself down for your bald spot, congratulate yourself for your perfect smile, your ability to talk to anyone or your professional-league golf swing. Now, which feels better?


Of course, complimenting yourself is always more enjoyable than criticism. And switching your negative thoughts to positive ones is something that you can do everyday, in every moment.
“It is helpful to develop the habit of finding things about yourself that you can love, appreciate and accept,” Dwoskin says. “Since the mind likes to have something to do, it is great to give it something positive to look for rather than looking for the negative as it usually does.”


Source
The New York Times December 4, 2007



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